Hill Billy Hut

So....just need to vent a bit! Went to Pizza Hut for dinner. NOT MY FUCKING CHOICE!!!!! If you guessed Dan's choice you win!!! So we pull up to $10 pasta night....WHO KNEW???? Apparently every hill billy on the South Side!!! And they were not Irish my friends. So I am surrounded by dirty, nasty hill people and my VERY rude server finally takes our order. May I also add that she was not amused that I pointed out there are no DRINK prices on the menu. So we order a large cheese pizza and some 'no price' pops......In the 54 minutes it took to get that sick fucking pizza, I had the pleasure of having the future version of my nephew sitting across from us and he is (will be) a huge weiner!!! This guy looked just like him and went on and on being his know it all self and talking about religion and goverment and THENNNNNN he goes half homo and starts talking about the girls Dooney&Bourke purse. How FABULOUS it was! I was like what???? Oh and did I mention his son ZACHARY??? I only know his name because this tool box puss said it 108 damn times!!!!! And when he asked ZACHARY to count to 30 I yelled "Oh hell NO!!!!" And I am pretty sure that made them pay the check and leave. Just when I thought it could get no worse, a group of NON American teenagers get in a wrestling fight and start knocking into tables and drinks go flying! REALLY????? So I got up to leave and there is an actual fight going on at the register where we have to pay!!! I slammed the cash on the counter and left! My hillbilly holiday is over!

Call with an AE ditching work today.....

So I just got off the phone with a 911 call from my work buddy! He calls me and says "I over slept and just woke up at Noon! Work has been calling and texting me for 3 hours and I ignored them." So I told him to think about this......they will not fire him because he is #1 on the board for sales. So my best advice is to ignore them and go back to bed! He agreed and off he goes. Done and Done! lol

Actual Chat the day before Christmas

Toser: are you working??
I'm ready to kill mom AND dad
me: oh no! why?
Toser: they are so annoying
me: im just waiting for a customer to call me back
Toser: i have to shovel the back whatever i dont care but then they started fighting b/c mom didnt bring home a bag of chips for dad for his subway sandwhich
me: LMAO
Toser: not
a
joke
me: I know...but you hve to see that in type
Toser: make it your status bahaha but block mom and dad thats for sure
Toser: I worked out for 2 solid hours - burned at least 600-700 calories if not more and then guess what I did on my way home?
Got wendys
me: lmao spicy chicken sandwhich?
Toser: hahaha yes!
jbc or spicy is how i roll
okay im out mom is on the warpath and i can feel it coming towards me like the vacuum she's currently raging with
me: lol
ok
brett just puked
in the garbage can
Toser: bahahaha
why???
me: hes laughing
he s bulimic
Toser: he barfed b/c he was laughing?
stop being such a chick
really why did he barf before mom yells
the vacuum is getting dangerously close
me: lol...he has a mucus problem
Toser: sick
Toser: dad just told me to not be argumentative
b/c ernie is eating my socks
i can't believe this place is real
IS THIS REAL LIFE
me: omg you guys are like movie
Toser: UNREAL
please save this convo
me: i am
Toser: bye bye

Nicknames At Work

There are various nicknames given at work that are now used (secretly of course) to refer to people...it's so bad that I sometimes forget their real name as I never use it.

Nicknames include:
Flounder (guy has a dead fish handshake and stutters)
Napoleon (dead ringer for Napoleon Dynamite)
Squawks (repeats the last sentence anyone said in a meeting and takes it as his own)
DT4k (stands for Douchetron 4000...cause he's a douche)
Beaker (has a really high voice like Beaker from the Muppets show)
StepDad (looks like a serial killer, ala the movie StepDad)
JOJ (Jag Off Jones...also a douche)
Voldemort (he looks like a snake and am pretty sure he's stoned ALL the time)

I know I am going to slip up one of these days and its gonna be BAD.

Cousins!

I don't think that there have ever been or ever will be a stronger connection between 4 people like there is with us! Mary, Molly and Mo.....I love you guys! You are my favorite people! I truly get so excited to see you. More excited than Christmas presents!!! lol But seriously, as long as we have each other, we will be the richest damn people in the world! Now tell me something funny!!!! :)